Now You Know
by Kodiak Bear Country
Summary: Everyone's asked what does it mean...this is where you find out. Warnings, sad.


Title: now you know Author: kodiak bear Rating: T  
Warnings: AU, futurefic. Sad. Additional warnings at the end of the fic, scroll to end to read if you must. Just don't read the ending if you do!  
Summary: Everyone has asked, "What does it mean?" Well, now you know.  
Spoilers: none

ETA thanks pegasus for pointing out a goof, fixed now!

**now you know**

by kodiak bear

He turned the black band in his fingers. It was just black thread, machine made, thousands of tiny loops sewn together. Just a thing, and it shouldn't really matter. He was getting too old to be wearing it.

"Grandpa, what's that?"

The little boy had snuck up on him, not that it was hard to do now. Nestled in his broad rocking chair on the porch, he'd been lazing in the evening sun. He tried to smile and didn't quite make it. Maybe it was his age, or maybe it was the fact that he knew the black band was a lot more than a thing. No matter how often he'd tried to tell himself it meant nothing, he never believed it.

"This?"

Crawling into his Grandpa's lap, the boy nodded. Without waiting for an answer, he asked, "Can I have it?"

"No!" Grandpa's forceful reply was instantaneous.

Kids are mercurial, touchy. One wrong word and they dissolve. One overreaction. "I'm sorry, John, it's not…it's just," he sighed, stared at the black band, then shook his head and stuck it in his pocket, holding the boy with his freed hands, "it's not for you. Okay?"

Another thing about kids, they bounce back. John shrugged, then reached for the tags hanging from his Grandpa's neck. "Okay…what's this, Grandpa?"

His Grandpa did smile this time. His wrinkles grew deeper with his crooked grin. "Those belonged to a very good friend of mine…"

OoO

"You're a pilot. You're military. Pardon me for not believing you'll be overly concerned about scientific discovery."

Sheppard grinned in a 'take me as I am' moment. "You're a scientist, pardon me for not believing you can hit the broadside of a barn."

Rodney considered it. Finally, "Fair enough, Major. Tell you what, you study the science reports, and I'll log hours on the firing range, deal?"

"With P90, 9 mil _and_ grenades?" Sheppard raised an eyebrow, his arms folded across his chest. He doubted the arrogant scientist was going to be willing to go the extra mile.

"9 mil only, because trust me, you really don't want me standing behind you with an automatic rifle, and," Rodney raised a finger, "you not only study the reports but you take the time to learn the terminology. I don't work with idiots."

"Good enough, McKay, looks like you got a deal."

"Good, that's good, because I would hate to tell Elizabeth she couldn't take her pet gene along for the trip."

OoO

"Where were you going, Grandpa? Can I go?"

His old eyes stared down at the younger, eager, ones. He looked thoughtfully away, losing himself in his memories. The answer wasn't as simple as yes or no. It never was. He could take John there without them even leaving the porch.

"Grandpa?"

"You like to talk, don't you?"

John slid from his Grandpa's lap, his jeans rubbing against the brown corduroy. He jumped the plank of gray, age-stained wood, and whirled around, his face dancing with the need to run and play. "Grandma says I talk more than you."

"She does, does she?"

He nodded solemnly.

Grandpa made a small sound, maybe a laugh. "Someone once said that people who talk a lot were trying to compensate for their inadequacies."

"Comp-en-sate," the boy tried out the word. "What does that mean?"

"Again with the talking a lot."

John grinned under thick eyelashes. "The story, Grandpa, you were gonna tell me a story about where you went, and if I could go."

The Grandpa patted his lap. When the boy jumped back over the plank, and then onto the lap of the older man, he settled the boy with his hands, and began to rock again, letting the rhythm ease the words from him.

"It's not so much a story, as a lifetime..."

OoO

"What is it with imminent death? Is there some law in this galaxy that says one must face it at least twice a month, three times during a leap year?" While he ranted, his fingers danced over the controls. "Excluding weekends and holidays…" Rodney suddenly uttered a high yelp, followed by stuffing a finger in his mouth. He made soothing sucking sounds, pulled the electrocuted digit free of his mouth, then shook his sore hand a final time, glared at the panel, and resumed his frantic work and bitching, "Unless you're Rodney McKay, in which case, preplanning your funeral is highly recommended!"

Sheppard grunted against the push of the metal wall, straining so hard veins were popping out along the sides of his forehead, and bulging at the neck. "Just fix the damn control, McKay," he gritted.

Without looking up, Rodney asked, "Doesn't this strike you as very Star War'ish?"

"Sure," swore Sheppard, his feet sliding back another six inches. "If you ignore the lack of water, garbage, and droids waiting to rescue us." The wall kept whining forward.

"But the important similarity remains," said Rodney with a scary amount of satisfaction, considering the circumstances. His voice was muffled as he ducked under the panel. "We're about to get made into human pancakes."

"Seeing how I'm all out of syrup, why don't you work faster and make sure that doesn't happen!" Sheppard was losing his cool. Probably, it had everything to do with losing another four inches. In minutes, there wouldn't be a control panel for Rodney to work on.

"_Major, Rodney? We found the secondary generator room, are you on your way?"_

"Teyla!" Sheppard pulled up from the wall. "Shut it down!"

Rodney screamed along with Sheppard. "Turn it off!"

There was silence, and the wall pushed ahead, touching the edge of the control panel. They were going to die. Teyla and Ford had been scouting the perimeter of the building, with plans to go inside once they were done; they were to meet in the secondary generator room to see if there was another ZPM.

Sheppard had figured when he couldn't reach them earlier that they were still outside, unreachable because of the interference from the materials used in the walls of the building.

A slow grinding noise squealed and thunked, then the lights went out and the room went dead quiet. The only sound Sheppard could hear was that of their heavy breathing.

Sheppard slumped against the wall, realizing they'd been given a last minute reprieve by luck alone. "Hell, I need a change of clothes."

Rodney uttered a laugh edged in hysteria. "Saved by the droids."

OoO

"That doesn't make sense, Grandpa." The boy kicked his legs over the edge of the chair. He looked at the porch, puzzled. "If the room squashed everything in it, that means they'd have to replace the controls every time." He jerked his head, like he was an all-knowing 5 year old bundle of logic. "That's just stupid."

"Well, of course it's stupid, besides, it was a booby trap – when we pulled the ZPM free of the housing, it triggered."

"But what's the point of smashing what they were trying to keep from being stolen? Were all the people there that dumb?"

Grandpa counted to ten. He didn't even bother explaining that after all that, the ZPM had been depleted. "Stupid people rarely think things through." The double entendre made him shudder.

"I'm glad you're not stupid." John lifted his Grandpa's hands, held his fingers apart and toyed with the wedding ring, twisting it, fascinated by the shiny gold and small inset diamonds. "Grandpa?"

"Yeah, John?" His voice wavered.

"Why are you crying?"

OoO

Sheppard shouted at Ronon to run harder, faster. He shouted at Teyla to dial the 'gate. He shouted at Rodney to hang the fuck on, because they were almost home. "Just couldn't keep your hands off the ZPM, _again_." He wiped his firing hand against his pants. It was slick with blood, and he knew the unfriendlies were hot on their ass.

Spying the dingy olive color amidst the dark yellow weeds, Sheppard leveled his gun and snarled, "Rodney, this is _really_ beginning to be a problem!"

"I know," snapped Rodney. His face scrunched in pain. "Ow, damn it, take it easy! You squeeze any harder and I'll lose the remaining pints of blood because of you!"

The 'gate splashed to life.

Sheppard sprayed the approaching villagers with warning fire above their heads, trying to convince them to stay the heck away. Some got the message. The ones that didn't watered the weeds with their life.

They made it through the 'gate, the shield solidifying into place after they were through, moments before the wormhole shut down. Sheppard stared at the people in the 'gate room, watched Carson come running with his team, and locked eyes with Rodney. "Next time, I'm letting them keep you."

Rodney groaned and passed out.

OoO

John had stopped kicking his feet, quit playing with the ring. Now, his Grandpa had his rapt attention. "Did 'Lantis ever get another ZPM?"

"Not just one, but eventually, we got three."

The sun was broken across the horizon when the screened patio door banged open. John hopped from his Grandpa's lap and ran to the woman. "Grandma, Grandpa's telling me all about 'Lantis and his friend. Do'you wanna hear?"

Her hair was gray, her shoulders slouched from old age. But she wore a soft dress, and a smile, and let John pull her to the other rocking chair beside Grandpa. "John, I know the story well," she said softly, but she sat all the same, groaning a little at the effort of bending stiff joints.

"Did you know about the room where they almost died?" John demanded.

She ruffled his unruly hair. "Which one," she teased, looking into Grandpa's eyes.

John was just a little boy, and because of that, he didn't catch undertones, and he didn't care too. "Grandpa, was it always that scary? Were you always going to die?"

Grandpa's eyes were sad, but his lips smiled. "It wasn't always like that. There were amazing things in Atlantis. Things we'd never imagined. But I think, I _know_, we were meant to die there."

"Then why aren't you dead, Grandpa?"

OoO

"You can't do this!"

"I already have…just, go, there's no sense in both of us dying. Besides, if you don't, Teyla will die with us, and if you let her die when she doesn't have to…"

They faced off, neither one wanting to give ground.

"Ronon's out there waiting, so's Carson. It's too late for me; don't make my sacrifice mean nothing. You can save her, but you can't save me, and you know it."

If it'd only been his life, he never would've left.

"_Go_!"

OoO

John was surprised that he was crying. It was only because Grandma and Grandpa were, that's all. "Why'd he do that? Why didn't he let him help? Maybe they all could've lived."

Grandpa shook his head, let Grandma hold his hand across the breadth of the chairs. The sun was gone now, and the stars were beginning to twinkle and sparkle in the gloaming night. Grandpa found his other hand pulling the black band out of his pocket again. "He was right," admitted Grandpa. "The city was sinking, the room was contaminated with lethal gas – he'd rushed in, was working the controls, and he'd found the right one…by the time I found him, it was too late. I don't know how he managed to stay on his feet as long as he did."

"But why didn't Teyla help, why was she alive if he died?" John wanted to find a flaw in the story because he didn't like sad stories. If there was a flaw, then it was wrong, and it wasn't true.

"She'd arrived after him. She tried to stop him, wasn't going to let him stay…"

Grandma inhaled sharply.

Grandpa's smile was gone and all that remained was sadness. "The pipe carrying the poisonous gas burst next to where he was working. Teyla and I were in different locations when it all began. She got there next, and by then the city was locking the doors, sealing off the danger. I barely made it through. Being locked in wasn't important. I knew how to get the doors open and save her, save us…"

"But not him?" John asked.

"We needed to leave. I could've done what he did, but he was already dead. If we'd stayed, we would've died also. As it was, Teyla almost died. And I was sick, too..."

John jumped from Grandpa's lap, angry. "I don't like this story, it's stupid. Friends shouldn't die and leave their other friends alone."

"It is stupid." Grandpa slipped the black band on his wrist. It was dark out. "Life often is."

OoO

The forward deck of the Daedalus was packed. But for all the people, the room was subdued, quiet. Teyla and Ronon sat with Carson and Elizabeth. He wanted to join them, he just…he couldn't. All he could do was stare out the window, at the bright light of the sun off the starboard view.

In his hand he held an oversized manila envelope that Carson had given him. Scribbled across the front was one word.

_Rodney_.

Against the lump in his throat, he shook out the contents.

A cloth wristband, made with thin black string. The string by itself would snap with the slightest pull, but looped together, sewn into thousands, it was strong. Rodney squeezed it tight, tried to hold onto his composure.

Rodney couldn't count on his hands how many times he'd asked, only for Sheppard to say, "I'll tell you later. Right now, McKay, you wouldn't understand."

He unfolded the letter, stared at the simple words scrawled on an otherwise blank sheet of paper.

_Now you know._

_Sheppard_

_OoO_

additional warnings: This is a future fic, with a main character death happening in the past.


End file.
